


Turn on your heartlight

by Significant_What



Series: soulmate au [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soulmate AU, i know literally nothing about the medical stuff here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 09:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10896540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Significant_What/pseuds/Significant_What
Summary: turn on your heartlightlet it shine wherever you golet it make a happy glowfor all the world to seeturn on your heartlightin the middle of a young boy’s dreamdon’t wake me up too soongonna take a ride across the moonyou and meIn a world where when you meet your soulmate your heart lights up with a pulsing glow, Will has given up hope and Nico still clings to his.And I KNOW it says Paolo/Will but you know me, this is a Solangelo story.





	1. maybe i'm the shot in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> I created this soulmate AU together with my dear friend Crescent Scar, who gets the credit for the original idea. I hope to successfully explain how the heartlights work in the story, but once the second chapter is out, if you still have questions, I'll be happy to answer those.
> 
> Also I'm already so very sorry about this, I don't usually write sad stories, but I feel like this was inevitable. This has a happy ending, I promise!
> 
> The title as well as the lyrics at the summary are from the song Heartlight, by Neil Diamond, that I accidentally found. The chapter titles are from Mr. Right, by A Rocket to the Moon.

Will watches from across the room as one of his course mates giggles and speaks lowly to her boyfriend. He doesn’t know either of them, not really, but he’s seen them around campus plenty of times; always together, always hands locked, no exceptions. And it’s not exactly them he’s even looking at.

The faint, pulsing white glow can be seen on their chests through their shirts. Stable beat, beautifully synchronized. Will counts 82 beats per minute.

Will tells himself he’s not jealous. Not about the people, at least. Instead he reminds himself again that he should be grateful for having no such distractions. Pre med is hard enough as it is, no need to throw unnecessary soulmate drama into the mess. He’s happy enough with Paolo, has been for months now; they don’t need the lights to be happy, to make a relationship work.

That’s what Will tells himself, anyway. And yet, every time he holds Paolo’s hand he can see him look for a heartlight they both know won’t turn on. Not with them.

”You’re being a creep again, Will”, Cecil mutters with a pointed nudge of a shoulder and Will snaps out of it. ”I keep telling you it’s weird to stare at people’s chests like that, but it’s like you actually _want_ to be called a weirdo behind your back.”

Rolling his eyes, Will leans back on his uncomfortable chair and picks ups his pen again. ”They don’t have to when you do it to my face.”

”Just saving you from the humiliation, sugar.” Will doesn’t ask how that equation works in Cecil’s brain. He’s learned the hard way that most of the time he doesn’t want to know. Cecil looks up at the girl for a moment and then frowns at Will. ”They’re not even _nice_ boobs.”

”And you say _I’m_ the creep?”

Will knows Cecil won’t tell Paolo about the staring. It’s bad enough that Paolo keeps looking. Will is afraid that if Paolo knew he was looking, too, there would be no way to keep the relationship up anymore. So Will keeps his eyes on check whenever he’s out with Paolo, makes sure to not let his gaze linger on the lights he sees, takes extra effort to hold Paolo at night when he feels guilty. (He holds Paolo a lot, these days.)

Sparing the couple one more quick look (this time taking notice on the boobs, thanks to Cecil – and yes, maybe he’s seen nicer ones, but it’s neither here nor there), Will sighs and starts doodling on the cover of his note book. The same abstract circles on and on, exactly like he’s been doodling them since high school every time he has something on his mind.

It’s not like Will doesn’t feel complete without his soulmate. Or that he feels like his relationship with Paolo is missing something (other than the lights – but they don’t need them, right?). But he can’t deny the fact that soulmates are a very present part of their culture, and it’s impossible to avoid the questions. They pop up very early on when you meet a new person. _Has your light developed color yet? Have you met your soulmate yet? My heart feels like it’s burning every time the light turns on; how about you?_ Will considers himself a patient person, but he’s getting tired of answering with a polite smile, a shake of his head, and a negative choice of words.

Maybe that’s why he likes hanging out with Cecil so much. Cecil has a platonic soulmate, and he doesn’t feel the need to gush about her twentyfour-seven. Will has met her – Lou Ellen is small and fun and a deadly addition to Cecil’s hyperactivity – and unlike other soulmate pairs he’s seen around, Cecil and Lou aren’t all over each other. They don’t keep touching just to see their blue light go off, and even when they do touch, the blue is much less preponderant than gold. It’s refreshing.

Maybe that’s also the reason when, once they’re done with classes for the day, Will accepts Cecil’s invitation to hang out instead of going to ask if Paolo wants to come over for dinner like he originally planned to. He feels a little guilty, yes, but he tells himself he deserves some time with his best friend every once in a while. It certainly has nothing to do with the fact that he’s not sure he can handle Paolo’s disappointed eyes right now.

When Paolo texts him later to ask if he wants to grab a bite and come over for a movie, Will only regrets it a little when he texts back that he’s busy.

**

It’s not that Nico actually _hates_ hanging out with Jason and Piper. Jason is his best friend, and Piper is his friend by default, and they’re both amazing and cool (don’t tell them he said that), and it’s always better than hanging out back at home with the chef that barely speaks any English anyway.

But Nico _definitely_ hates hanging out with Jason and Piper.

”Can’t you at least sit on opposite sides of the table or something?” he mutters to his palm where’s he’s resting his chin. He dips a fry to his milkshake rather violently. ”You’re giving me a headache.”

Piper at least has the decency to look sorry, even if Jason only rolls his eyes. She scoots across the booth to make some distance between herself and Jason, and the pulsing glow on their chests dim and go out.

”Don’t blame us for your hangover, Nico.” Jason sounds annoyed, and it’s true that this is far from the first time Nico asks them to limit the PDA around him, but he still thinks Jason has no right to be annoyed about it. ”No one made you drink the whole liquor cabinet. That was all you.”

They all know that Nico would be complaining about the lights even without hangover, but for some reason Jason is on a faul mood (probably thanks to his own hangover, not that he’d ever admit it) and makes it all Nico’s fault. Maybe it is, maybe Nico is to blame, maybe it is his own fault for not finding his own soulmate yet – after all, he _is_ the one avoiding physical contact like a plague. But that doesn’t mean Jason has to be such a bitch about it.

Most of the time Nico actually pretty much wishes he’s one of the few people who don’t have a soulmate at all. It would make things so much _easier_. Of course there’s no way of knowing for sure – the needed skin contact makes that kind of hard. There are average ages and estimations on when you will have probably found your soulmate, but there are too many exceptions for Nico to trust any statistics on soul chemistry. His own father found his second soulmate (a rare case, hardly documented) barely two weeks ago, twenty years after even the most generous estimation ages.

When Nico was little and his mother died, he had asked father if he would marry again. It seemed like a fair question for a boy of eleven – for Nico, who was scared as all hell every time he was left alone with his father. Father, usually so cold and collected and unattached, had looked at Nico with a strange face and said he was likely never to remarry. And Nico had believed him. Father wouldn’t lie.

Well, father _didn’t_ lie, exactly. He just said it wouldn’t be likely.

Instead he found Marie Levesque on a business trip to Chicago, got married a week later, and informed Nico that he now has a half-sister.

Thus the now empty liquor cabinet in father’s home office and Nico’s raging headache.

”Yeah, well, didn’t see you trying to stop me”, Nico mutters and hides behind the menu (like he doesn’t know it by heart already; they’ve come to the same diner every Saturday for years now) so he doesn’t have to see the heart eyes Jason is no doubt sending Piper across the table. ”Some friends I have.”

They order their early lunch ( _brunch_ , as Piper insists they call it, even though Nico keeps telling her that’s too fancy for greasy burgers and banana milkshakes), and the blinking light on the window sign is at least as annoying as the heartlights from the couple three tables down. Nico wants to snap at them like he snapped at Jason and Piper, but even he knows when he’s being too rude.

Jason keeps ranting about his mid terms, and Piper tells them about a guy in her bio chem class that was definitely staring at her boobs the other day, and Nico offers a small laugh. No, he thinks, of course he doesn’t hate hanging out with Jason and Piper, and this is why – Jason has been his best friend since he was a toddler, and when Piper came around last summer she blended in their group seamlessly. Nico doesn’t dislike either of them, as long as they keep their hands to themselves.

He looks up when the waitress places their drinks to the table, and is greeted by the heartlights once again.

”Jason Grace, keep your feet on your side of the table or so help me god I will kick you so hard you can join the church choir and sing soprano for the rest of the semester.”

So okay, sometimes Nico definitely hates hanging out with Jason and Piper.

**

Paolo’s words take a long moment to register in Will’s mind. When they do, he stops chopping the vegetables, places the knife slowly to the counter and turns to look at Paolo, who’s face is more emotionless than Will would like.

”You… found her?” Will hates how weak he sounds, how much hurt is already etched to the words.

”I did.” Paolo keeps his distance, doesn’t step into the kitchen. Will feels conflicted about that. ”Grocery store. She reached out for the same bottle of milk.”

It’s so unfair. Paolo was just supposed to quickly run to the store for milk while Will started preparing dinner. Then he was supposed to come back to Will’s place, and they were supposed to cook together while listening to Paolo’s stupid Portuguese rap songs that Will doesn’t understand a word of. Then dinner, cuddling on the couch with cheap wine and re-runs of O.C., making out until they’re a sweaty stack of limbs and finally tumble to the bedroom.

But instead Paolo quickly ran to the store for milk and had a stupidly romantic encounter with his soulmate, then came back to Will’s place to drop the news. Just like that. While Will’s chopping vegetables for what was supposed to be their two year anniversary dinner.

Will has been trying _so hard_ to make this work. He doesn’t even like rap. Or O.C., for that matter. It’s so fucking _unfair_.

He clears his throat and looks down at Paolo’s feet because he can’t look at his face, not now. ”What’s her name?” he asks, even if he’s not sure he actually wants to know.

”Maya”, Paolo answers, and Will hates to hear the way he says her name. Softly and sweetly, the way he’s never said Will’s. Will wishes he could blame it on the accent but knows that he can’t. She’s Paolo’s _soulmate_. She’s different. ”We didn’t have time to talk much yet, but I’m taking her to dinner tomorrow night and – ”

The choked sound of Will’s watery laugh makes Paolo snap his mouth shut. Will bites his tongue; he has no right to cry, no right to be upset about this. It was never said aloud, but it was always implied that if Paolo ever found his soulmate they would have the priority in Paolo’s life. That Will would be cast aside and Paolo would ride off to the sunset with them.

Will always thought that he’d be ready. Or maybe, somewhere deep down, he hoped that he’d find his soulmate before Paolo did. He’s heard that it’s sometimes easier to be the one breaking a heart than be the one with their heart broken. He has half a mind to ask Paolo if he feels relieved, now that he’s found her and is supposedly getting free of Will, but he’s too busy having his heart tampered to the floor. Will doesn’t realize the tears are actually falling before he feels them drop from his chin.

”So, like, that’s it?” Will probes, because even if he _was_ ready, even if he _could_ find it in himself to be happy for Paolo right this moment, he still doesn’t understand how Paolo can throw away _two years_ like they were nothing. He knows he sounds bitter, but doesn’t he have a right to? Even just a little? ”You stumble upon a stranger in the fucking _corner store_ , where we’ve gone a hundred times before, and now you’ve come to tell me it’s over? Just like that?”

”She’s not just some _stranger_ , Will – ”

”I know!” Will doesn’t mean to raise his voice but does it anyway. He squeezes his eyes shut and turns back towards the counter. Maybe this will be easier if he doesn’t have to risk looking at Paolo. ”I _know_ , and I’m sorry, but it does not make this any easier.”

Paolo doesn’t say anything when Will picks up the knife again to continue chopping. The sound of the blade knocking on the cutting board is usually therapeutic to Will, almost preferable to any kind of music, but the apartment is so quiet and tense now that each chop echoes in his head, bounces on the insides of his skull, making his head throb.

The tears keep coming. Will names each of them Brutus as they blurry his vision.

It only takes that one slip.

” _Fuck_!” The pain sharpens Will’s focus enough that he sees the blood, drops the knife, and rushes to the sink. He holds his hand under the running water and watches the water turn pink. He’s reminded of Sunday school back in Texas, and Jesus turning water to wine. Maybe this is how he actually did it. The bleeding doesn’t seem to stop.

Will doesn’t hear Paolo getting closer, and it’s already too late once they’re shoulder to shoulder. Paolo reaches to touch Will’s wrist. ”Will, let me – ”

” _Don’t_.” Will wants to take a step back, doesn’t want to stand this close to Paolo right now, but he needs the running water. ”Just don’t.”

”Will, you need to go to the hospital. That’s going to need stitches.”

”What I need is a minute for the bleeding to stop and then some bandages – ”

”Don’t be an idiot.” Paolo hastily wraps Will’s hand in a kitchen towel and gestures Will to hold the hand up, just like Will taught him months ago in a similar situation. ”Let’s go.”

Will lets Paolo drive him to the hospital but makes it very clear that he’s taking a taxi back. He comes home alone three hours later, five stitches in his hand and a pharmacy bag in the other, and the first thing he sees is his spare key on the small table by the coat hanger. Paolo’s trainers are gone from the shoe rack, there’s only one tooth brush in the bathroom, and the coffee table is lacking of any Portuguese rap albums. Paolo has left a green sticky note to Will’s laptop. It says ”I’m sorry”.

Will flops down on the couch. From there he can see the bottle of wine on the kitchen counter. He wishes he could drink it now like originally planned, all of it, but knows better than to mess with the pain meds. So instead he curls on the couch with his throbbing hand and stares at the black TV screen until the sun starts to rise.

**

”No, Jason. Absolutely not.”

Nico should have known that when Jason asks him to join him for lunch out of the blue on a Wednesday it would never mean anything good. Jason is a _teacher_ , for fuck’s sake. It’s not like he can just casually spend his lunch wherever he wants, whenever he wants. (Or maybe he can, Nico never really paid that much attention to what teachers did when he was in high school, and he sure as hell isn’t asking _Jason_.)

”And why not, Nico? Just hear me out.” Jason places his glass back on the table. Nico is actually surprised Jason thought this might be a good idea _at all_. ”He’s nice, not bad looking according to Piper, and has a dog. You like dogs, right? He volunteers at that homeless shelter down on Fifth. And his soulmate is platonic, so that wouldn’t be a problem – ”

”And what about _my_ soulmate, Jason? You don’t think that’s going to be a problem to him?” Nico seethes as he tries not to break the glass in his hands with the force he’s holding it with. ”You don’t think he’s going to have a problem when I find my soulmate, especially if they turn out to be romantic?”

That’s not even the reason Nico is so against the idea of a blind date. He couldn’t care shit about whether the guy has a problem with his soulmate or not, and that’s because he is not going on the date to begin with. It’s not the first time Jason and Piper have tried to set him up, and Nico doubts it’s going to be the last, but he’s just so sick of it.

Jason picks up his glass, looks at it for a moment, then puts it down again. He doesn’t meet Nico’s eyes. ”Nico, I think you should consider – ”

”Dating? Why, because you think I’m lonely? Because you feel like I’m missing out on something when I’m not in a relationship?”

”You should consider the possibility that you don’t have a soulmate.”

Whatever it is that Nico had expected Jason to say during this conversation, it isn’t this. Never this. Because no matter how many years they have known each other, no matter how many times Nico has complained to Jason about the whole matter of soulmates, no matter how many times Nico has genuinely hoped that he didn’t have soulmate and told that to Jason… It’s always been Jason to try to convince him otherwise. Jason, who once talked him out of wearing gloves around the clock to avoid physical contact with anyone. Jason, who even after finding his own soulmate made it a point to include Nico to his plans. Jason, who has a way with words to sometimes make even Nico believe that there’s still hope for him, that he can still find his soulmate.

But the truth is that most people meet their soulmates before they turn twenty. That’s a fact. Some surveys say the age stretches to twenty-three, but that doesn’t change the fact that Nico is twenty-seven and still hasn’t seen the light pulsing through someone’s chest when they shake hands. And no matter how much he tries to convince himself that he doesn’t care, he does. He does care, and the fact that even Jason has given up hope for him?

That hurts. That hurts more than it probably should.

”You have always told me”, Nico says slowly, trying to hold his anger and disappointment back as much as he can, ”that I shouldn’t give up hope. You and Piper both.” He can’t even look at Jason in the eye.

He hears a sigh, and that makes him _so much angrier_. ”Neeks, we just want you to be happy. You know we do. And as cruel as it sounds, you’re not getting any younger, and the odds to find your soulmate now are getting really thin – ”

Nico throws his napkin to the table, knocking out Jason’s half empty glass of water. ”Thank you for reminding me.”

Without another word, Nico gets up and leaves – leaves Jason, this conversation, _everything_. Including his jacket, which he only regrets once he’s already outside in the pouring rain. He doesn’t stop until he’s by his bike.

He knows it’s foolish, to act like this. And Nico isn’t even upset about the fact that it seems like he really does not have a soulmate after all. Well, maybe he is a little. But mostly he feels betrayed that Jason, his _best friend_ , has given up hope. Hope is something Nico has always associated with Jason, since the very beginning of their friendship. To hear that Jason wants him to reconsider accepting that his soul might be a lone one is like hearing his mother died. Again.

Usually Nico drives carefully. The bike might be a way for him to rebel against his father (so far unsuccessfully), but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He has his helmet, and he knows how to drive safely. He’s mindful of other traffic, and when it’s raining cats and dogs like it is now, he knows to keep the speed down.

 _Usually_ , that is.

But Jason has ticked a nerve, and Nico is on edge. He knows better than to take the bike while upset, but he does that anyway, and he’s already three blocks away by the time Jason reaches the parking lot and yells after him. 

Nico doesn’t hear him, of course. Because all he can hear is the screech of breaks, someone screaming, and his own body hitting the concrete before everything blacks out.

**

”John Doe, motorcycle accident”, a nurse says as Will steps in, and he nods as she keeps listing already found injuries. There are already six people running around the bed, and Will only manages to get a flash of black hair before the heart monitors go nuts.

”He’s crashing”, Will mutters sternly and takes the lead on the reflation.

Working at the ER isn’t Will’s favorite part of being a doctor for this very reason, but it is the part that sometimes gives him most satisfaction. At the ER saving people is very prominent, very concrete, and you can see with every choice you make how that affects your patient. It’s fulfilling in an entirely different way than the rest of the job, but Will really doesn’t like the part where a patient’s heart stops beating.

But Will is _good_ at ER. He knows that, his head of ward knows that, and every nurse and doctor in the hospital knows that, so he has no other choice but to do his job without complaint, even when he’s been assigned to ER for the fifth time in a week. And to be honest, it gives Will the world’s biggest adrenaline rush when he has to do everything he can to get that heart monitor beeping again. Nothing beats that feeling.

This time the clinical beeping sound from the machines isn’t all they get, though. Will’s world stops spinning for a few seconds.

Will has seen many heartlights in his life, especially since he started working in the hospital and got to see soulmates and whole families on a daily basis. But not once has he seen one this close, with his hand on the patient’s chest, touching the white glow that’s still irregular but that gradually gets stronger as the seconds pass by, feeling like the whole world has stopped around them. Not once has he looked at someone and felt his own heart start burning and beating like he just finished a race.

Will looks down, and sees his own chest pulsing a strong, steady, pure white glow through his scrubs. It feels like all the air has been squeezed out of his lungs.

”Oh”, he whispers, unaware of the looks he gets when he doesn’t move, unaware of the way everyone around him keeps working to save the patient.

The patient. Will’s patient – Will’s _soulmate_. Who is in critical condition.

”Is the theater ready?” he asks without moving his eyes from the light. It’s not steady, it falters and it’s still so weak, and Will is going to do everything in his power to make it strong. His voice is emotionless and stiff when he yells orders, but inside his chest is a hurricane.

They let Will hold his hand all the way to the theater, but when he turns to get ready for the surgery he’s stopped by Michael, who looks at him with stern eyes.

”I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be there, Will”, he says quietly, and Will is ready to fight. ”I know you’re the best, everyone here does, but – you’re too close to this.”

Will knows Michael is right, that he’s too close to this, that this operation would be too emotionally draining for him. But he also knows that he’s going to go insane if he’s not allowed in, if he has to stand back and pace around the waiting area, knowing he could be _there_ , helping…

”I _have_ to do this, Michael.”

”No, you don’t. Will, look at your hands.” It takes a moment for Will to focus on what Michael means, but the he sees the way his hands are shaking like leaves. ”You would do more harm than good operating like this. I know it’s hard, but you need to trust me when I say I will do everything in my power to save him. Okay? And so will everyone else in that theater.”

Will squeezes his hands to fists, tries to stop the tremble. He isn’t sure if he’s is shock or just angry for not being allowed in. ”But I can _help_ – ”

”Not in this state, you can’t. Trust me, Will, this is for the best.” Michael’s hands on his shoulders feel heavy like blocks of concrete. Will can’t look up from his own fists. ”We’ll keep you updated. I’ll have someone come check with you every twenty minutes, okay?”

Will knows it’s the right call to make. He knows he’d be the same, if it was another doctor with their soulmate being wheeled in. He knows he’d never let anyone operate with shaky hands like his, and he knows he’d be practically useless if something started to go wrong in there. He knows all this, but when Michael leaves him with a nurse who’s name he doesn’t remember, all Will wants to do is either crumble to the floor or punch Michael in the face.

But it’s too late to start throwing punches now, and besides, if Will isn’t allowed to the theater Michael is their only hope. So Will slumps down in a chair and hides his face to his hands, and for the first time since he was thirteen he actually prays. Just a few words, but still. He doesn’t really believe that anyone’s listening, but it can’t hurt to try.

Like promised, Will gets updates every twenty minutes. At first it’s just more info on the injuries; a bruised liver, punctured lung, internal bleeding in what sounds like everywhere. It wouldn’t sound good to anyone, and as a doctor Will _knows_ it’s not good. The first good news he gets is that they’ve settled the compound fracture on the left femur, but right after that they have to restart the heart again, and Will is going mad.

He can’t sit still. He paces around the waiting area, never going too far in case someone comes looking for him with new information, but unable to stay in the same place for too long. He gets up to get a cup of water, but empties it to the nearest sink on his way back. He picks up a magazine and puts it back down after five minutes without taking notice even on the name. He goes through his pockets and finds a candy wrapper, and before he knows it it’s shredded into pieces in his lap.

By the time John Doe is wheeled to the recovery room, Will has lost the pen from his chest pocket, track of time, and, he feels, a part of his sanity.

**

Will is a romantic at heart. Of all the times Will has imagined the way he’ll meet his soulmate, it has never been like this. Never in his darkest dreams has he thought he’d be the one to restart his soulmate’s heart, only to find that it’s unclear when he’ll wake up, if at all. Not in his wildest nightmares has he sat by a hospital bed, holding the hand of an unconscious man, watching the white light pulse in time with the heart monitor.

Will hates it. He hates it with every cell of his sleep-deprived body. He sits there at the ICU, holds a hand that stays completely limp in his hand no matter what he says, and doesn’t register a thing anyone tells him. All he knows is that his soulmate is out of surgery, stable but unconscious, and he can’t leave him there alone. Not when he doesn’t even know his name.

Things like sleeping and eating are futile. All Will can do is sit there and watch his John Doe with unseeing eyes, keep holding his hand and try to wake him up with his willpower. He knows it won’t work, but it doesn’t hurt trying. Somewhere in the back of his mind Will finds out he has been given a few sick days so that he can stay at the ICU, and he’s thankful. But he’s already dreading the day when his superiors stop being so understanding, and hopes that his soulmate will wake up before that.

Kayla is the one who finally manages to talk Will over. He leaves the hospital a little after three in the morning, walking in a daze the three blocks to his apartment, sitting in the shower for the next hour. He feels numb. He doesn’t even register the water has turned cold until his teeth start clattering. He wraps himself in semi-clean clothes and a blanket and sits down on the couch, knowing he should try to sleep but being too aware of everything that could go wrong with his soulmate to even close his eyes.

His soulmate. A man who he’s been destined to meet since the beginning of time. A man who’s lying in a hospital bed with so many cuts and bruises and injuries that Will feels his chest tighten and a lump rise to his throat.

Inside his apartment, away from the prying eyes and pitying looks from his coworkers, Will finally lets himself cry. He lets the tears fall freely down his cheeks and neck to the pillow in his lap, and he can feel his whole body tremble – from the sobs or from the leftover cold from the shower, he doesn’t care anymore. He doesn’t think he’s let himself cry like this even on the day Paolo left, not this freely and wholeheartedly. Now he feels like he owes Paolo an apology; he would have done the exact same thing for his own soulmate.

Will cries for what feels like hours, then falls asleep for barely twenty minutes. He’s restless, he can’t just sit around waiting for news; he has to _do_ something. He’s been taken off of the John Doe case, but he can still work. So he changes for his work clothes and goes back to the hospital, even if it technically is his day off.

Kayla doesn’t seem happy when she sees him walk in, but her frown is quickly replaced by an unreadable look when she calls for him.

”A man came in an hour ago, asking for him”, she says, and Will doesn’t need her to tell him who she’s talking about. He’s already taking the fastest route to the ICU. ”We’ve got personal information and medical records for him. Will!”

He doesn’t slow down.

When Will walks to his soulmate’s room two minutes later, he has to blink when he does actually see someone already sitting in the chair he’s claimed for himself for the past thirty-six hours.

The man looks miserable, almost as miserable as Will feels under all the numbness. He has short blond hair, military cut, and his broad shoulders are hunched, like he’s dispirited and given up. His hands are covering his face, so Will can’t really see him, but he’s seen enough of grieving relatives in his line of work to recognize a distressed human being when he sees one.

”H-hello?” Will asks softly and hates how uncertain he sounds. This is what they’ve been waiting for, right? For someone to come in and identify their John Doe – _his_ John Doe? ”Can I – are you – ” It’s surprisingly hard to find words in a situation like this.

Hearing his voice, the man looks up. His eyes are piercingly blue, and if Will had any energy left in him he’d probably jump at the intensity of them. The stranger looks like he’s been crying all morning, and Will can’t blame him. That’s what he’s been doing all morning, too, and he doesn’t even know the patient the way this man clearly does.

”Are you his doctor?” the man asks, his voice deep and raspy and tired. ”They said his doctor would be in shortly. How is he? How long has he been like this? Is he going to wake up – ”

” _Yes_ ”, Will interrupts, and the word snaps the other man’s mouth shut. Will knows it sounds fierce, but he has to believe it. He has to believe his soulmate will wake up. ”I mean, no, I’m not his doctor, not anymore. I was, when he was first wheeled in to the ER, but under the circumstances…” He lets his voice fade as he takes one step closer to look at his soulmate’s face again, the face he’s memorizes and that hasn’t changed since he left four hours ago. ”But he _will_ wake up. I’ll make sure of that.”

The silence is filled by the beeping machines that Will has already accustomed to his soulmate. His heart is thumping in his chest. This man in the room, this blond stranger, knows his soulmate. He can tell Will teal things about him, his past, his likes and dislikes, his _name_.

Will is going to learn his soulmate’s name.

”What – ” the man clears his throat, confused. Will turns to look at him. ”What do you mean, under the circumstances?” There’s panic in the blue eyes, now, and Will tries to turn to his Doctor Mode to deal with this. It’s surprisingly hard. ”He’s going to be okay, right? He’s not – ”

 _No one has told him_. Will swallows, suddenly nervous. ”As far as we know, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t make a full recovery.” Once he wakes up, that is. ”Sorry, I’m being terribly rude – I’m Will. Or, Doctor William Solace, but please, call me Will. I’m not here as a doctor.”

The man stands up slightly to shake his hand briefly. Will’s fingers almost break. ”Jason. Jason Grace.” He sits back down. ”Now, what circumstances are you talking about?”

Will takes a deep breath and tries to figure out how to go with this. ”I – I think it’s best if I just like… show you.” He knows he’s being weird, but how exactly do you explain to your soulmate’s – friend? Brother? Probably not, they look nothing alike, but how would Will know? – that you found out about your heartlights while trying to save his life?

So, just like so many times in the past thirty-six hours, Will closes the distance between himself and his soulmate and takes one lifeless hand to his, watching as the bright light takes over the room and momentarily blinds him. He notices that somewhere between leaving earlier that morning and coming back now his light has developed a very faint golden hue, but thinks that it might be just his tired eyes playing tricks on him. It’s not like his light could really turn golden before he actually gets to know his soulmate, right?

” _Shit_.” For a brief moment there Will had forgotten all about Jason Grace, focusing solely to the light, but now he turns his attention back to him. ”You – you’re Nico’s soulmate.”

It’s not a question. Even if it were, Will wouldn’t have been able to answer, not with his head spinning a thousand miles per hour with _Nico, Nico, his name is Nico_. He thinks it’s ridiculous, but Nico might just be the single most beautiful name in the world. He turns to look at the man in the bed. _Nico_. The name fits so achingly well that Will is amazed he didn’t figure it out by just looking at his soulmate’s face.

Jason Grace sighs deeply, sounding like he’s trying to collect himself. Will turns to look at him but doesn’t let go of Nico’s ( _Nico, Nico, his name is Nico_ ) hand.

”Your lights, they’re… they’re really strong”, Jason mutters. ”I don’t think I’ve ever seen heartlights quite that strong.”

It’s something Will has noticed himself, too. Most of the heartlights he’s seen have been bright, but dimmed by the layers of clothing. At first Will had thought that the light looks so intense because his soulmate is only wearing a thin hospital gown, but the more time he spends with Nico the more prominent it is that his own light is just as bright, no matter if he’s wearing his scrubs or the thick jumper he found from the lost and found basket in the break room.

” _God_ , this is fucked up”, is what Jason says next, and Will doesn’t understand it at all. Jason runs his hands through his hair and looks like he’s on the verge of panic when his eyes land on Nico’s chest again, focusing on the light. ”I mean, it’s _great_ , but it’s so _fucked up_ , I can’t…”

Will waits for Jason to explain. He gives him a minute, then two, but when Jason hasn’t done anything but pace around and mutter to his hands for five whole minutes Will finally snaps and asks as patiently as he can, ”Why is this so fucked up to you?”

And Jason lets out a hollow, humourless laugh when he looks at Will and points at the bright light pulsing through his shirt. ”Because that light – or, I think I should say, the lack of it – is the reason I managed to piss off Nico enough that he stormed out to the rain and didn’t pay enough attention while driving.”


	2. and you're the morning light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm painfully aware that this chapter is so late it's not even funny anymore. But it's here now, and it's a tiny bit longer than the first, so that's something, right? (Please forgive me.)
> 
> Thank you for all your heart-warming comments, and a special thanks to @ohehydear on Tumblr for helping me with the Italian in this chapter! I'd be lost without you.

It’s Nico’s fifth day in the hospital when it registers to Will that his soulmate could _die_ , that he might not be able to share anything with him.

The thought hits him all of a sudden, when he’s sitting by the bed once again, holding Nico’s lifeless hand and staring at the steady light. Kayla has just left, being done with her check-up, and Will is once again met with the silence that is only interrupted by the heart monitor and Nico’s heavy breathing through the oxygen mask.

Nico’s been unconscious for days now. Jason’s been in and out of Nico’s room every time he’s been able, sometimes alone, sometimes with his wife, and Will has given up several cases to other doctors so he can be with Nico when he wakes up. Nico’s physical recovery is starting great, but even as the swelling in his brain has been treated, there’s no signs of him waking up. No one is saying it out loud, but as a doctor Will knows there are possibilities he doesn’t like.

How he makes it to Michael’s office is beyond him, but once there Will keeps rambling and pacing back and forth and tugging on his own hair like a madman, and Michael has to forcefully untangle his hands from his curls before he manages to scalp himself.

”Sit down, Will”, Michael commands, and his voice is friendly with a sharp undertone of it, like Will has heard it when Michael talks to panicking relatives. (That’s what Will is now, right? A panicking relative, a family member? It’s so strange.) He guides Will to a chair and offers him a water bottle. ”Deep breaths. He’s going to be just fine.”

Will grips the bottle in his hands, doesn’t take a sip in fear of choking. His palms feel clammy and his head spins and his heart feels like it’s thumping out of his chest. It’s not a good feeling at all. ”If he ever wakes up, you mean.”

Maybe he kind of expects Michael to deny it. Maybe he was hoping to be told that he’s over reacting, that Nico is just taking a nap and is going to wake up any second now. Whatever the case, it feels like a punch in the gut when Will feels Michael’s quiet, regretful voice agreeing with him like from somewhere far away. ”Right. If he ever wakes up.”

He knows Michael is just doing his job, that no doctor would tell a relative or next of kin lies, give them false hope. Still, Michael’s words sound so _harsh_. ”But he will.” Will doesn’t know how he knows this, or if he’s just being a stubborn ass as always, but as he stands up to leave the room he gives Michael an almost glare before marching away. ”He _has_ to.”

Will knows there’s nothing he can actually do to help Nico at this point. All he can do is make sure he stays stable, and that requires little actual actions. Still he finds himself back in the chair by Nico’s bed, staring at the man with eyes that see nothing but the pale skin and black hair, fighting back tears.

Even as he thinks of himself a compassionate man, Will has never been able to understand why people talk to unconscious patients. There’s no scientific proof that any words reach them, not that Will is aware of anyway. To Will, talking to unconscious people has always been just a coping mechanism for the families, for the people mourning for their loved ones. He remembers thinking once that he’d never be that person to cry at a bedside and beg for someone to wake up when it clearly never, ever helps.

And yet.

”Please, Nico. Please wake up. Don’t leave me here.” Will keeps his voice a whisper and draws circles to the back of Nico’s hand, around the IV. The hand is so cold that Will worries, even if he knows that it’s probably just poor peripheral circulation. He tries to take a deep breath as he looks at the light that pulses through Nico’s thin hospital gown. A tear rolls down his cheek and he bites down a sob. ”Don’t leave me alone before I get the chance to meet you.”

**

Nico is six when he asks why _mamma’s_ heart light is the color of the sunset instead of the pretty blue like father’s. He doesn’t understand why this makes her eyes look so sad, and pats her hand in an attempt to make her smile again.

”Sometimes soulmates see things a little differently, _passerotto_ ”, she says and strokes his hair gently, moving it away from his eyes until resting her palm against his cheek. Her voice has a tone of a song like a lullaby, and her pretty golden earrings glint in the afternoon sunlight that reflects from the pool, and to Nico she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. ”Sometimes they disagree on the way they love each other, and it shows on their heartlights.”

 _Mamma_ looks quietly as Bianca jumps in the pool, splashing water around and making the hem of _mamma’s_ green skirt wet. It looks almost black now, but she doesn’t seem to mind. Nico still doesn’t understand.

”Bianca says _zia_ Diana’s heart is blue when she hugs Zoë from the country club.”

 _Mamma_ smiles. She doesn’t look so sad anymore, and Nico is glad. ”That’s right, _tesoro_. That means Zoë is the best friend _zia_ could ask for, the very best.”

”Like me and Jason?”

”A little like you and Jason, yes. A pure friendship, so strong and deep that you can almost read each other’s minds.”

In the brief moment that _mamma_ is silent, Nico wonders how cool it would be if he could read Jason’s thoughts and Jason could read his. But that is not the part of this conversation that Nico will remember for years and years to come. What he _does_ remember, what will echo in his head one day as he lies in a hospital bed, barely even able to move and blinded by a bright white light with a pure golden edge to it, is this:

”But the strongest, most secure form of soulmate heartlight is golden. _Bagliore d’oro vitale._ Remember that, _passerotto_. Because that is the heartlight that is destined to you, the light that you deserve. You and Bianca both. I can feel it.”

(Of course, there is no way _mamma_ could have known what kind of light was destined for Nico. Nor could she have known that three days after that conversation Bianca jumps to the pool again and hits her head to the edge, that she’ll be dead before the ambulance gets there, that she’ll never get to meet her soulmate. Nico’s mother won’t be there herself to witness Nico seeing his heartlight turn on, after years of thinking he’ll never have one.

But then again, even Nico isn’t there for the first few times.)

**

When Nico wakes up, the first person he sees is a nurse, and that tells him he’s in a hospital. He hates hospitals; they remind him of the long months visiting his mother, seeing her warm orange heartlight pulsing weaker and weaker each time father held her hand until it faded entirely and Nico never saw her face again. His heart starts racing, alarming the nurse that he’s awake.

”Welcome back, Nico”, she smiles brightly in a way that Nico supposes is meant to be calming. ”You gave us a few serious scares there, but luckily your soulmate has quite a bit of influence around here, so you got the best of the best working for you.”

The words don’t quite register to Nico yet. He’s in a hospital. He doesn’t know why. He tries to speak, but his throat is dry. He tries to sit up but everything hurts. He tries to lift an arm but it feels like it weights a thousand pounds. His pulse gets faster and his breathing turns ragged, and it echoes and mists in the oxygen mask he only now realizes he’s wearing.

His panic must show on his face, because the nurse presses a button next to his bed and places a calming hand to Nico’s shoulder. ”It’s okay, Nico, you’re fine. Breath with me, slowly, in and out.”

She keeps talking, and Nico doesn’t know how much time passes before he’s somewhat relaxed again. The nurse babbles on and on about something that is probably important, but Nico can’t really bring himself to listen. Only a few words like _accident_ and _surgery_ and _miracle_ make it through until the door to the room opens and a doctor walks in.

Nico thinks the doctor might also be an angel.

His hair is golden like in those paintings _mamma_ used to show him of celestial warriors, golden and curly and beautiful like a halo around his head, and his eyes are big and bright and _blue_. Nico is pretty sure his heart skips a beat or two or ten when his eyes take in the angel’s features, the straight nose, the freckles, the beautifully constructed jawline. The scrubs and the jacket indicate he’s a doctor, a real human being with a real job, but he’s so achingly beautiful Nico finds it hard to believe his own eyes.

”You’re awake.” Damn, even his _voice_ is beautiful. The doctor comes closer slowly, but to Nico it looks like he’s trying to contain himself from rushing. Once he’s close enough to gently touch the back of Nico’s hand with the tips of his fingers, Nico notices a glow on his chest. ”You’re _awake_.”

It takes Nico approximately sixteen heart beats to understand why the doctor’s heart lights up when he touches Nico’s hand. It takes three more to remember the nurse saying something about his soulmate being a doctor.

Nico’s _soulmate_. One he hasn’t met before, one that apparently found him when he was a drooling mess in the hospital sheets.

Even Nico’s blurry, pained, disoriented mind has the decency to be embarrassed by that.

The light in the doctor’s chest is pulsing fast, now, so fast and strong. It’s bright, almost blinding to Nico, and there’s a soft golden hue to the white light – not pure gold, like Jason and Piper’s, but a clean undertone that Nico knows will one day take over all the whiteness, if they’re lucky. _Bagliore d’oro vitale_ , his mother had once called it, and suddenly he can hear her voice like it was yesterday. _Bagliore d’oro vitale. Remember that, passerotto_. He feels his own heart start beating a little faster (and hears it, too, thanks to the machines), and it hurts more than it normally would due to the surgery he apparently underwent sometime while unconscious.

”Hey, hey, hey, easy there, Nico”, the doctor says, and his voice is so soft and maybe a little breathless. Nico breathes hard through his oxygen mask. ”You need to relax. We don’t want to have you in another operation quite so soon, now, do we?”

The light shining from his own chest and pulsing in time with the beeping machine is so bright it prevents Nico from seeing much of the doctor’s face, at least from where he’s lying in the hospital bed. But what he does see is beautiful, so bright and calming and kind it makes his pulse pick up again, despite his best efforts to calm down.

_Bagliore d’oro vitale._

Nico thinks that if this is the way he dies, he’ll go happily, now that he’s see the face of an angel.

”I’m serious, Nico. Deep breaths. I need you to – ”

All fades back to darkness.

**

Nico doesn’t die, but when he wakes up again he’s in so much pain he almost wishes he did. He spends the short minutes he’s awake trying to make sense of his surroundings, staring at a pair of blue eyes that look so very familiar that it almost makes him want to keep his consciousness. But if they’re so familiar, why is he this disappointed? Why are the eyes so wrong, so different from what he wants to see?

It isn’t until his third time waking up that Nico finally manages to actually do something. The room is dark, the only light coming from the machines and the slowly rising sun behind the blinds. It must be early morning. Nico succeeds in turning his head, groaning when the action strains his neck, and the noise apparently stirs his early morning visitor awake.

”Nico?” Jason’s voice is disoriented and heavy with sleep, the way Nico remembers it sounding many times, back when they were kids and having sleepovers at each other’s houses every other night. ”Oh god, Nico – are you in pain? Do you need me to call a nurse?”

Nico shakes his head and quickly realizes that wasn’t his best choice. His pain must show on his face, because Jason looks worried when he sits on the edge of Nico’s bed, careful not to touch him. While Nico appreciates the sentiment (he’s never been one for physical contact, not since his mother died), he can’t help but wonder why Jason is so reserved. It’s not like him at all. Worrying, yes, and apparently sleeping in a crappy hospital chair, and having great bedside manner (Nico is resigned to think that Jason is great at everything he does, by now), but not this.

”Wha – ” Nico tries to speak, but his mouth is dry and his voice dies in his throat. Jason leans up to help him out of his oxygen mask, then holds a plastic cup to his lips. The water is cold, and it stings on his dry lips, and swallowing is surprisingly hard, but when Nico opens his mouth again, the words come a little easier. ”What happened?” It’s scary, how raspy his voice is, and Nico thinks he’s never been this scared of himself before. The heart monitor picks up a little.

Jason looks uneasy as he cradles the half empty cup in his hands, looking at the water instead of Nico. ”What’s the last thing you remember?”

 _What an odd question_ , Nico thinks, but then he wonders if the answer is even more strange. He had lunch with Jason, the other day. He seems to remember everything perfectly well up until the point where he sits down at the table, then it gets blurry. Did they eat? What happened after that? Nico recalls loud noises and a brief feeling of weightlessness, then nothing. Emptiness. And just when he’s about to tell Jason that, he remembers something else, too.

Eyes. Blue eyes, not unlike Jason’s but somehow so much more intense. And he remembers thinking about his mother – _why did I think about my mother?_ Must be the hospital.

”I – ” It’s annoying, the way he can’t seem to form proper words without being in pain. ”Lunch? You… wanted to talk?”

Jason offers him more water before he speaks again. ”Yeah. We had lunch. I mean”, he laughs, but Nico doesn’t detect any humour in it, ”you came by the café, and we ordered, but we didn’t get to the eating before I fucked up and you stormed away. You left everything behind – your jacket, your wallet, even your phone. That’s why they had trouble identifying you before I came asking for you.” Nico is already opening his mouth to ask what Jason means by _fucking up_ , but he’s interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. ”That’s not important right now, though. You ran out and took the bike, but I guess you were pretty messed up and didn’t see the car coming from your left. The bike was crashed beyond repair, so it was taken away.”

A faint memory of a babbling nurse comes to Nico’s mind, but he still can’t recall what it is that she said about his injuries. He has a feeling his mind was elsewhere then. ”Am I – ”

”You’re perfectly fine”, Jason says, succesfully reading Nico’s mind like he has so many times before. ”I mean, you have some pretty bad cuts all around, as well as other injuries, and I’ll admit I was _really_ scared for a while there, but I think I’ll let Doctor Soulmate explain the medical stuff to you.” His voice turns teasing towards the end, and Nico can see an annoying gleam in his eyes.

”Doctor Soulmate?”

”Yeah, well, apparently he’s not really your doctor, since he was taken off the case due to being too close to you, but holy crap, Nico, I take everything I’ve ever said about you not having soulmate back because _boy do you have a soulmate_.”

 _What_. Nico doesn’t even add the question mark to the thought. He’s so _confused_. He doesn’t remember having a soulmate. He tries to think, closes his eyes briefly to concentrate, but all he can think of is the pair of blue eyes he can’t place on anyone he’s ever met. Jason has blue eyes, sure, but they’re really not the same.

”I… have a soulmate?” he manages to ask while listening to the heart monitor tell Jason that his heart is beating faster than normal. His throat aches a little less now, and he shakes his head when Jason tries to offer more water.

Jason smirks. ”Yeah. He – ” But before he can tell Nico whatever it is that he was about to tell about his soulmate, a man walks in and gets their attention. Jason’s smirk just gets wider. ”Well, speak of the devil.” He stands up from the bed and nods to the newcomer. ”I’ll give you two a minute. Or, like, twenty.”

Nico’s initial reaction is to tell Jason not to go, to not leave him alone with a stranger when he can barely talk to defend himself. But when his eyes land on the man he changes his mind completely, because he _remembers_ now. Not just the blue eyes, but who they belong to, too. And in that moment Nico hears the heart monitor go nuts.

The man that Nco remembers was wearing a doctor’s jacket before doesn’t speak before Jason is out of the room. ”Hi, Nico.” He comes closer and sits in the chair left vacant by Jason, never looking away from Nico’s face. ”How long have you been awake?”

Just like before, Nico thinks that this man looks like an angel. But his mind is clearer now, and he can pay real attention to detail; to the dark circles under the beautiful blue eyes; to the spray of freckles that paints constellations across the tanned skin; the golden mop of curly hair that casts a delicate shadow to the man’s forehead under the raw electric light. He looks so beautiful that it’s hard to believe he’s actually real – and yet he seems to be looking at _Nico_ like _he’s_ the miraculous one in the room.

”I – a couple of minutes, I guess”, is what Nico manages to choke out before his throat is too dry again. The man notices this (so he is a doctor, after all) and helps Nico sip on water, not unlike Jason just minutes before. ”Jason was telling me what happened. Didn’t get very far, though.”

The man hums and places the cup back on the table. His hand hovers over Nico’s, like he wants to touch but doesn’t know if that would be okay. ”Did he… mention me?”

”Barely. And not by name.”

It’s not very subtle, but Nico doesn’t think that matters right now. Not when his heart is beating super fast and they can both hear it from the monitor. Not when they both know what they’re not saying, what they really need to address in order to move forward.

The man smiles softly, and even though he looks so tired that Nico feels his own eyelids turn heavy just by looking at him, the twinkle in his eyes is awake and clear and wonderful, and it makes him look happy. ”My name is Will”, he says quietly and finally covers Nico’s fingers with his own. The light that lights up the room takes Nico’s breath away. ”Will Solace.”

Nico knows he should say something. Maybe something clever, or even just nice. He remembers when he was fifteen and he and Jason spent hours coming up with something to say when they finally met their soulmates, but he can’t for the life of him remember what they ended up with. Nothing he can think of seems to apply to the situation at hand. Should he introduce himself? That’d probably be unnecessary. Is he supposed to be super friendly? Does Will Solace expect him to flirt? Nico is terrible at flirting.

So he says nothing at first. He just stares at Will (and a part of him wonders if Will is short for something, or maybe he’s just Will, that would be cool too), stares at those blue eyes and the light that reflects from them, the light that’s so much brighter than Jason and Pipers. He notices that Will’s light has a golden undertone to it already, and _how is that even possible, I just woke up?_

Will’s hand feels warm on Nico’s. Nico finds the strength to turn his hand around to slot their fingers together, and both of their hearts pick up some speed.

”Hi, Will Solace”, he manages to say, then clears his throat a little. ”I’ve been looking for you.” And no matter how silly it feels to say it like that when Nico has been careful not to touch anyone new in years, the words are not untrue. Something settles in Nico’s heart with those words, and he finds himself smiling slightly. (The muscles needed for that are a little stiff, so he can’t hold the expression for long, but it’s a start.)

Will returns the smile and strokes Nico’s palm gently with his thumb. When he speaks, his voice is incredibly tender. ”And I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

**

During the next few days Nico learns exactly what happened to him after he left the café a week ago. Jason and Piper tell him about how they didn’t hear from him in days, how Jason thought to give him space after the fight, how only when he came to Nico’s apartment to apologize and return his stuff did they realize something was wrong. How Jason went through all their friends and neighbors before calling every hospital until hearing about a John Doe that sounded like Nico.

Piper tells Nico how Jason took a week off work so he could stay by Nico’s side in case he woke up. How Jason and Will spent all those hours talking or just looking at him silently. She even has a few pictures. They make Nico feel a little warmer.

It’s Will who takes care of explaining all the medical stuff to Nico. Dr. Yew is there, too, but Nico finds that he can’t really focus on his doctor when Will’s in the room, and Will absolutely refuses to leave during the day. (Nico doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind one bit, to be honest.) So Will talks and Nico listens, and Dr. Yew listens with a weird look on his face, and Will holds Nico’s hand all the time and it just makes everything that much better, if maybe a little difficult.

Nico’s never been a medical geek, so he doesn’t understand some of the things he’s told. He knows organ bruising and a punctured lung and a grade III concussion do not sound good, no matter how gently you say them, but it’s the dislocated shoulder, broken arm and shattered knee that hurt the most physically. Well, to be fair, most of his left side was crushed in impact, so pretty much everything hurts right now. Laughing, coughing and turning his head. Trying to sit up. Even looking at their heartlights for too long makes his head hurt, but he doesn’t want to look away.

Still, when Will is trying to explain again how and why his heart stopped during the surgery, Nico has to interrupt and say something because he hasn’t heard a word.

”Can you – ”, Nico starts, then frowns a little. ”Okay, I know this is going to sound _so_ bad, but can you maybe let go of my hand? The light… it’s really distracting.”

The doctor – Will, Nico reminds himself, his short term memory still a little shaky – looks confused for a second, then snaps out of it. ”Oh. _Oh_ , of course.” He lets go of Nico’s hand, and Nico immediately regrets it. He doesn’t like the electric lights in the room half as much as he liked the white pulse from Will’s chest. (And his own. But mostly Will’s. It’s warmer, somehow, possibly because of the gold in it.) ”I’m so sorry, I’m totally out of line, I should have asked – ”

”No! No, that’s not what I meant.” Nico feels himself blush a little when he tries to come up with the words to explain. ”I just… Trying to understand the medical shit is hard enough. You holding my hand… it’s very nice, but it doesn’t exactly make it easier.”

Nico expects Will to continue on the facts. He isn’t prepared for the slight blush and bashful smile that quickly takes a sad tone when Will rests his eyes on Nico’s hand. Long fingers trace patterns on olive skin, and when Will continues talking his voice is low and desperate. Nico isn’t sure he wants to hear Will’s voice like that ever again.

”While you were unconscious, that was all I could do.” The soft patterns make Nico’s skin burn. He can hear the heart monitor beeping and wishes he could kick it. ”Hold your hand. They wouldn’t let me in the theater while you were operated, and I felt so _helpless_ , you have no idea… All I could do was wait, and when they brought you to recovery I couldn’t – I couldn’t leave you.”

Will doesn’t look up. Nico can see the sadness in every muscle on Will’s face, and it makes his heart ache. He can’t even imagine how Will must have felt – he just knows he would have been losing his mind had it been the other way around.

Will’s hand stops on Nico’s wrist, fingers pressing on the pulse point, and Nico knows that Will feels and hears and sees his heartbeat. Maybe that’s how Will keeps calm, surrounding himself with Nico’s pulse. It’s actually kind of romantic, Nico thinks, and he has to fight off the smile that threatens to creep on his face. ”We didn’t know who you were, not your name or who to contact, and I just… Holding your hand and watching our lights was all I could do.”

It’s not that Nico understands. Not exactly. There’s no way he could possibly understand what Will has been through since Nico’s heart stopped that first time (Jason had made sure Nico knew _exactly_ how the heartlights first started pulsing, and yes, it was sort of like a fairytale), not without going through all of it himself, and, well, that isn’t really an option. Looking at Will like he’s doing now, all Nico wants is to see him smile again, that smile that sparkles in his eyes. Smile and be happy, and not have a trace of that sadness and quiet desperation left on his beautiful face.

That being said, Nico slowly and carefully turns his hand under Will’s and stretches his fingers until he can mirror Will’s actions and hear his pulse, too. There’s something very calming about it, feeling as well as seeing the rhythm in which Will’s heart beats, picking up speed at first and then calming down the longer the silence stretches on.

”So”, Nico whispers, his fingers wrapping around Will’s wrist so that he can trace his thumb on the back of his hand. For a moment there it almost looks like Will stops breathing completely. ”You were saying something about venticular fibrillation?”

**

The thing about the heartlights is that sometimes they can help you pinpoint the exact moment you fall in love with your soulmate.

For Nico, it’s the Wednesday after he wakes up. Just a Wednesday. Later he jokingly thinks that he’s lucky it wasn’t a Thursday, but it really doesn’t matter to him what day it is. He can’t even really tell what it was that made the light turn golden all of a sudden, but he remembers the moment for the rest of his life.

Will has just come back from a coffee run. A double espresso for Nico and some sugary monstrosity for Will. They have been talking a lot lately, of everything and anything and nothing at all, and Nico has been watching how Will’s heartlight has steadily gotten more and more golden by every day that passes while his own has stayed stubbornly white. It wouldn’t bother him this much if they weren’t touching constantly; it’s like when they’re in the same room they can’t stop holding hands, or maybe Will kicks off his shoes to prop his feet on the bed and their ankles cross, or Nico draws pictures around the freckles on Will’s arms with his fingertips. They’re constantly touching, and their heartlights are glowing, and Nico’s just stays pure and white. It’s frustrating.

Will doesn’t mention it, but Nico is sure he’s wondering about the color, too. It’s hard not to. A part of Nico wants Will to bring it up so he doesn’t have to, but mostly he just wishes the color would change already. After all, it’s rare for a heartlight to stay white forever.

It’s in one of those more quiet moments, when Will is scrolling through his social media and Nico is distracted by the sheer beauty that is Will Solace, that things change. Will is still holding his hand, they’re not saying anything, they’re just sitting there and listening to the silence. Nico can’t tell what it is that turns his world upside down. All he knows is that one second he’s just looking at Will, and the next he has a stupidly giddy smile on his face and his heart is doing cartwheels.

Had it not been for the heartlights, no one else wouldn’t have noticed anything new. But as it is, Will’s head snaps up the second Nico’s light turns from burning white to pure gold, all in a blink of an eye.

Will drops his phone.

It doesn’t need to be said. They’ve both heard about this at school, back in fifth grade when they tell you the differences between soulmate colors. Nico sat at the back of the class room with Jason and barely paid any attention, but even he remembers the mention on how sometimes people fall in love with their soulmate so suddenly and so completely that the light accommodates the situation.

(The reason Nico remembers this so clearly might have something to do with the fact that this explains his cousin Percy, who’s heartlight turned golden in first grade in the middle of a game of tag. But that’s not important right now.)

So Nico just watches as Will stares at his light, the new color of it, and is very aware of the way the blinking is starting to resemble a disco light.

The fact that Nico notices Will biting his lip the second it happens says a lot about what Nico has been thinking for days now. It’s no news to him that Will’s lips look very pink and full and so incredibly kissable, especially when the white teeth sink to the lower lip like that. How many times has Nico imagined it; leaning a little closer and pressing their lips together, or letting his tongue find the aftertaste of Will’s breakfast muffin, or even just reaching out to touch with the tip of his finger…

Nico swallows hard and gathers his thoughts. It’s probably time.

”Hey, Will?” Will turns his eyes to Nico’s. ”I want to try this… thing.” Nico’s never been good at flirting, in fact he’s always been quite terrible at it – not that he’s ever had anyone to really practice on, either. But he does now, and he’s so nervous that he’s doing this wrong, but he has to try.

And judging by the out of breath expression combined with the half smile on Will’s lips (that Nico has spent an embarrassingly huge amount of time staring at during the past few days), he’s doing at least _something_ right. ”A thing?”

”Yeah.” Will’s fingers trail up and down Nico’s forearm, and Nico is so thankful that they turned off the sound on the heart monitor. The rapidly blinking light on his chest is embarrassing enough. ”But since I’m bound to this bed, as advised by both my doctor and my personal medical professional, you’re going to have to come a little closer for it.”

If Nico didn’t know any better, he’d say that’s a blush on Will’s cheeks. ”Is that so?”

”Hmm-mh.”

”How much closer?” Will asks, already leaning in just the way Nico wants him to. Will’s heartlight is gaining speed, too. It’s surprisingly satisfying.

”Just a little more.” Nico keeps his voice barely above a whisper as their faces inch closer and he can feel Will’s warm breath across his cheeks. He smiles. ”Come on, Will, closer.”

Will’s huff of laughter tingles Nico’s lips. ”So bossy.”

Nico is about to say something else, still, but their lips are already so close to each other that when he opens his lips to speak he’s met with Will’s mouth pressed to his. And that’s more than okay, because Will’s lips are just as soft as they look, and they taste like that awfully sweet cup of diabetes that he calls coffee, with an undertone of the same lip balm he’s spread on Nico’s lips once or twice in the past week. And it’s kind of funny to think that Will’s fingertips have been there on his lips before Will’s mouth has, but before Nico can dwell on that too much Will is already leaning back from the kiss with a soft sigh.

”As your personal medical professional”, Will whispers, and Nico feels giddy when their lips graze each other in a feather like touch, ”I approve of this _thing_ and think I’m going to have to assign a fair daily dose of _things_ for you.” The second kiss is even shorter than the first one, but not any less sweet. ”But just to be sure, I think I should be the one providing these _things_. I don’t think I’ll trust anyone else with this.”

”Yes, definitely.” Forming clever come backs is surprisingly hard when your lips are otherwise occupied. ”I might throw quite a fit if anyone else tried.”

”Good.”

**

Nico quickly learns that he really likes kissing Will. He also learns that it’s a good way to tell Jason to get lost without having to say anything, and that the same doesn’t apply to Piper, who gladly stays and documents every kiss with additional cooing. Will’s friend Cecil shows up one day, and Will tries the trick when he thinks Cecil’s told one too many embarrassing stories, but Nico isn’t sure if it works – he gets so distracted he doesn’t pay attention to anyone else for half an hour.

A week after their first kiss they get scolded by both Doctor Yew and Kayla the nurse when Kayla comes in to check on Nico in the morning and finds Will curled up in the bed with him. Technically there are rules that prevent families from sleeping in the hospital, but Will being Will and also an employed doctor there they had managed to sidestep them. Still, Doctor Yew is not pleased, and while Kayla may have taken twenty pictures before waking them up, she makes it very clear that other nurses wouldn’t have been as nice about it as her. Nico finds that he doesn’t give a crap what the other nurses think.

(Also when Kayla sends the pictures to Will who then forwards them to Nico, it doesn’t take longer than two hours until Nico gives in and sets one of them as his home screen. When Will finds out he teases Nico relentlessly before doing the exact same thing.)

So they don’t snuggle up in one bed together anymore (except for maybe once or twice when they’re absolutely certain Kayla has a morning shift and they have ways to bribe her), but that doesn’t mean Will doesn’t spend the night. Nico keeps complaining that Will is going to ruin his back in the terrible chair, and Will always says that Nico is _so worth it_. Nico doesn’t say it, but those nights he sleeps better than when he’s in the room alone. Will seems to know anyway, if his smirk is any indication.

It should be weird, Nico thinks, how well Will fits in his life all of a sudden. Will helps him with his physical therapy. Will brings him lunch from a thai place across the street when he’s tired of the tasteless hospital food. Will steals him extra pudding and brings his laptop so they can watch Project Runway before Kayla comes in to draw more blood.

As Will sleeps in the god awful chair, snoring lightly with his feet up in Nico’s lap, Nico thinks it shouldn’t be possible for someone to crawl under his skin like this. It shouldn’t be possible for Will to have made himself comfortable in Nico’s life – and Nico letting him. He carefully touches Will’s ankle with his fingertips, right there where the jean sleeve is riding up and the sock has rolled down, and when he sees the golden lights he smiles.

**

The day that Nico is released from the hospital is surprisingly sunny. He has mixed feelings of the day; on one hand, he’s very happy to get home to his own apartment, away from the heart monitor and bi-daily blood tests and the smell of antiseptic; on the other hand, he’s very accustomed to getting to see Will every other hour, every time he doesn’t have patients to check on.

So when Jason helps him to the car under Will’s watchful eye, Nico feels a little pain that has nothing to do with the fact that Jason keeps accidentally bumping to the bruises still covering all of the left side of his body. (Jason has joked multiple times now that he looks like those rotting corpses on zombie movies. Will has not been very amused.)

Nico rolls the car window down and Will leans in. ”Text me when you get home, okay?” he asks for the tenth time that morning, and Nico has to smile a little when Will reaches for his uninjured hand. ”I’ll come there straight from work. We’ll order take-out. Sound good?”

With a soft smile, Nico squeezes Will’s hand and ignores Jason’s eye roll. Nico’s golden heartlight is only barely blocked by his sling. Will’s light is blinding. ”Everything sounds good after weeks of hospital food.”

”Right.” Will laughs nervously. Nico doesn’t get what he’s so nervous about; they’ve been pretty much all over each other for the past two weeks. It’s not like everything’s going to drastically change now that he isn’t bound to a hospital bed anymore. ”And no overworking yourself, okay? Absolutely no moving from the couch until I get there. Jason, I’m putting you in charge.”

”Ay ay, captain”, Jason salutes and Nico rolls his eyes.

”I’m twenty-seven, I don’t need a babysitter.”

”Oh?” Will’s smile turns playful as he leans in closer, his breath ghosting over Nico’s face when he speaks quietly. ”Too bad, I was going to volunteer myself for the night shift.”

When Will kisses him, Nico feels so stupidly in love that he almost feels bad for complaining to Jason and Piper about their mushiness all these years.

That is, until Jason grumbles about them needing to get a room.

”Shut up, Jason”, Nico grins without turning to look at his friend, keeping as much focus on Will as possible, ”I’ve had to deal with you and Piper for years. I have a lot of catching up to do.” He presses his lips to Will’s again, ignoring Jason’s complaints, and loses himself in the kiss, if even just for a few moments. ”You don’t have a problem with that, do you?” he mutters against Will’s mouth, feeling it curve into a smile without even opening his eyes.

”Do you see me complaining?” Will asks just as quietly and gives him one last lingering kiss before leaning back slightly with a small sigh. ”I hate to say this, but I’m afraid you really do need to go now. You’re sort of blocking the entrance.”

Nico smirks a little as Jason checks the rearview mirror in case they really need to move. ”If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re trying to get rid of me.”

It’s meant as a joke, of course, and Nico knows that Will gets that, even if his face turns all serious. ”Never.” The word sounds heavy with promise, and Nico’s heart starts beating faster. He lets go of Will’s hand, and when the heartlights turn off he hopes Jason didn’t notice the increase of speed. (Nico is ever so thankful for finally getting rid of the offensive heart monitor.) Will straightens his back and smiles politely at Jason. ”Drive safe.”

Nico thinks that Jason might throw a halfheartedly hurt comment about his driving skills, but he just nods and shifts the gear. Will takes a few steps back and keeps his eyes on Nico the entire time until they turn around the corner and Nico can’t see him anymore. Nico’s chest feels strange when he rolls the window back up, and it has nothing to do with his still delicate ribs.

”Piper has filled your fridge and cleaned up your apartment”, Jason says conversationally, and Nico nods. ”She’s going to meet us there, then she’ll stay with you while I run to the drug store for your prescription meds. That okay?”

”It’s fine.” Nico hears his phone ping with an incoming message, so he doesn’t repeat that he doesn’t need a babysitter, but concentrates on trying to get the phone from his jacket pocket. ”Who’s clever idea was it to put it in the _left_ pocket?”

_From: will: [11:43] i miss you already_

It’s stupid, really stupid, the way the text makes Nico smile like an idiot and ignore Jason’s comments for the rest of the drive home. But it’s also all sorts of wonderful, and if this is how it feels to have a soulmate, Nico thinks he owes a lot of people a lot of apologies.


End file.
